C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

Being graded for memorizing male accomplishments with the deep message that we can learn what others do but never do it ourselves.

But even in elementary school and junior high, I was very interested in space and in the space program.

Family . . . the home of all social evil, a charitable institution for comfortable women, an anchorage for house-fathers, and a hell for children.

If I am not with my daughter, that's when all my meetings happen. That's when I get right on a plane. That's when I go and do my book tour. When I am with her, it's just all with her.

Well, something is happening in Queensland that is not happening anywhere else.

When I wrote 'Marley & Me,' I had a clear audience in mind. And it did not include children. I wrote my book for adults and assumed only adults, and possibly teenagers, would be drawn to it.

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

I think just focusing on the wealth of these cabinet picks misunderstands [Donald] Trump's economic strategy here, which is going to be equal parts traditional Republican economics.

Some of their players are internationals; some play for their national team.

To pray to God is to flatter oneself that with words one can alter nature.