CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Life is your greatest asset.

Get the inside right, and the outside will take care of itself.

I am tired of myself in every way. All things, deep down to the secret of their roots, are stained by the color of my weariness.

Opposition always inflames the enthusiast, never converts him.

The object of pilgrimage is not rest and recreation – to get away from it all. To set out on a pilgrimage is to throw down a challenge to everyday life.

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.

We have the freedom to choose between brand A, brand B, and brand C. That´s about it for freedom.

I write hate lyrics really well. It's not every day you can use them, really.

I tried to allow my children to take risks, to test themselves. Better broken bones than broken spirit.

I don't like [to] make a woman ... an abstract concept of the fashion. I don't like [to] say, "You must wear that." ... I am not a dictator.