CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

start ignoring people who threaten your joy. literally, ignore them. say nothing. don’t invite any parts of them into your space.

In this section you will learn how to use the tools the way that I think you will choose to use them by default.

The powerlessness of people with pure intentions, in the long run, can sometimes be more powerful than power in the hands of those blinded or depraved by evil tempers.

The folly of the wise is better than the wisdom of fools.

The anger of a person who is strong, can always bide its time.

Serious illness doesn't bother me for long because I am too inhospitable a host.

Saturday Night Live is a show that I think I could have a lot of fun on, just being different characters and maybe singing, too.

I have always wanted to be a published author. I write baseball books because I love the sport.

If we topple [Bashar] Assad, the result will be ISIS will take over Syria, and it will worsen U.S. national security interests.

Writing is a way of sharing our humanity.