CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe.

CUSTOMER: If I were to, say... meet the love of my life in this bookshop, what section do you think they would be standing in?

Bookshop Customer: 'Who wrote the bible?'Customer's friend: 'Jesus.

CUSTOMER: I don’t know why she wants it, but my wife asked for a copy of The Dinosaur Cookbook.BOOKSELLER: The Dinah Shore Cookbook?

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What's this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

CUSTOMER: I’m always on night shift at work.BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you’re buying so many vampire novels?CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared.

My father was never anti-anything in our house.

Remember kids: Don't get emotionally attached to a band. You'll get pregnant and die.

But at the best of times she feels like a character in a Muriel Spark novel — independent, bookish, sharp-minded, secretly romantic.

Dictators have always played on the natural human tendency to blame others and to oversimplify.

The world was fair, the mountains tall In Elder Days before the fall.

If you and I always agree, then one of us is redundant.

There are no unsavable souls.

(The Hack-A-Shaq is) just a way of telling me that you can't stop me. Thank you. I appreciate it.

I found it all about as arousing as a Tupperware party.

There are many events in the womb of time which will be delivered.