Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Life is full of screwups. You're supposed to fail sometimes. It's a required part of the human existance.

Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn't what you GET for it, but what you BECOME for it.

Short boots are cool, in my humble opinion. They say, 'Hey! Winter is over, but summer hasn't yet arrived - so enjoy this halfway point!'

I find that more and more I'm trying to entertain myself when I'm working, because I know the work's going to go to a horrible place.

The weekends are really important to me; the use of technology is really important to me.

You can convey a lot of emotion with just some eyebrows and mouth movement.

We are far too easily pleased.

It's amazing how words can do that, just shred your insides apart. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me - such bullshit.

Cruel to be kind means that I love you.

If their forces are substantial, prepare for them; if their forces are strong, avoid them.