Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz.

Teenagers complain there's nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.

Love is a state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

The best way to keep your daughter out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

Love has been described as a three-ring circus: First comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and after that the suffering.

It is always dullest before the yawn.

The person who knows everything has the most to learn.

If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman.

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.

A credit card sometimes adds to the high cost of living but more often to the cost of high living.

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.

I think one can tell a lot about a person from the way he chooses to let the stub of his cigarette burn out...

And that's like my world." Annie pointed up to the stars again. "Inaccessible." "Not, " I said to her softly, "to unicorns. Nothing's inaccessible to unicorns. Not even--not even white birds.

Once upon a time--which, when you come to think of it, is reallythe only proper way to begin a story--the only way that reallysmacks of romance and fairyland--

Break the rules. Be a fighter. Any dream is possible if you are brave enough to do it YOUR way.

It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.

I am opposed to the use of public funds for private education.

All ages of belief have been great; all of unbelief have been mean.

I thought this was pretty timely and it was pretty interesting [to film in Snowden].

The day you chose to leave me it rained constantly in truth I swore the rain to be the tears of cuspids eyes.