Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.

I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.

Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.

The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.

I don't believe in the very concept of "first thing in the morning." I'm a "third thing in the afternoon" fellow.

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe.

When your opponent sets up a straw man, set it on fire and kick the cinders around the stage. Don't worry about losing the Strawperson- American community vote.

Take me to the land of lovers where flowers bloom with love, birds sing with love, and hearts long for hearts.

You knew those people could be temperamental.

I shield to one who is pessimistic and shield to one who is optimistic leaving this in a wandering state.

Psycho-galvonic experiments show clearly that every emotion or thought is always connected with some electrical current.

I've never lost to Pete Carroll and I'm not gonna start now.

If you write memoir, it can't be about blame or hurt; it has to be creative.

I don’t have anger towards women. It’s the first script I wrote, I was really young. I got older. It’s told from an angry point-of-view. Young men are crazy strange emotional beings.

A sympathetic person is placed in the dilemma of a swimmer among drowning men, who all catch at him, and if he gives so much as a leg or a finger, they will drown him.

The Navajos have a saying they live by: 'A land where there is time enough and room enough.' I want that, too.