Can't you at least die with a little dignity?

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

When the beer is gone, so are they -- flexing their cars on up the boulevard.

I guess telling stories is an art. I never looked at it that way. I just started talking, and everyone started laughing. So I kept talking, and they kept laughing.

Our American government has strayed too far from American values. It is time to move forward. The country we carry in our hearts is waiting.

I understand it all. I can write my own ticket for one or two movies. But if they're not the right ones, my ticket gets yanked. I understand that's how it works, and I'm okay with it.

We continue, however, to write about important people, prize-winning people, blacks of grandeur, women of great fire, fame or wit. We do not write about ordinary people.

Trump is a narcissistic sociopath; he's doing exactly what he said he would do.

I try to have a mood or a rhythm for a chapter.

We continue to build temples. We desire that as many members as possible have an opportunity to attend the temple without having to travel inordinate distances.

Inequality is as dear to the American heart as liberty itself.

I would find it more difficult if somebody else was doing the action.