Can we please rename The Sandy Relief Bill to the Supplemental Iraq War Funding Bill so the GOP Congress can vote for it?

If you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don't!

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

Only in America can you be Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-War, Pro-Unmanned Drone Bombs, Pro-Nuclear Weapons, Pro-Guns, Pro-Torture, Pro-Land Mines, AND still call yourself 'Pro-Life.'

The greatest threat to America is not foreign terrorists, its domestic morons.

Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus.

Loving the Second Amendment while opposing the NRA is every bit as natural as loving Jesus while opposing Westboro Baptist Church.

Jesus never called the poor 'lazy,' fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a copay.

People get God and religion confused. I think God is a bit too hip to join any of his unauthorized fan clubs.

My mother was an ex-nun, and my father was a Franciscan brother, so I grew up believing in Jesus the way anyone would believe in Mom's first husband.

Impeach President Reagan retroactively for agreeing with Obama on the assault weapons ban.

You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

After all is said and done, you are free to choose but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

When you host a show you have to hopefully be funny at the top and set the tone for a really fun evening.

The greatest multiplex in the universe is inside your mind, and the only ticket you need is a good, well-written novel.

I have parents come up to me and say, 'I don't know who you are, but my kid wants his picture taken with you.

Nonviolence, when it becomes active, travels with extraordinary velocity, and then it becomes a miracle.

I have just committed the mortal sin of laughing in the Members' Library. No-one around here has done that for a while.

Man's eternal question is:'Who is God?'God's immediate answer is:'My child, who else is God, if not you?

Beautiful thoughts, build a beautiful soul.

Primroses, the Spring may love them; Summer knows but little of them.