Can we try to be wise with each other for a very long time?

I wanted to talk to someone. But who? It’s moments like this, when you need someone the most, that your world seems smallest.

The handwriting was a girl’s. I mean, you can tell. That enchanted cursive.

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.

I deciced if I were ever to get into booze and women, my line would be, 'Excuse me, madam, but I would really love to bed and muss you. . . . Are you perchance free this evening?

All this hoping for nothing-or someone-that's maybe hopeless

Somewhere between a friend and acquaintance—a frequaintance, as it were.

You should never wish for wishful thinking.

Because I withered under the glare of an actual invitation, I was a firm believer in preventive prevarication--in other words, lying early in order to free myself later on.

It's hard to show you that I tried unless you end up succeeding.

The tiny Lilliputians surmise that Gulliver's watch may be his god, because it is that which, he admits, he seldom does anything without consulting.

One's attitude affects altitude, and the degree of our mental elevation gives measurable evidence of just how much we can defy the pull on the soul subject to invisible laws of gravitation...

Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others and in their pleasure takes joy even as though it were his own.

Since I was not able wholly to subscribe to any one set of beliefs advanced by any 'guru' I had to fall back on my own, however derivative.

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit." "Well, you are pretty fruity.

We all have bad days and bad workouts, when running gets ugly, when split times seem slow, when you wonder why you started. It will pass.

I’m living in separate universes, and I have no idea where I actually belong.

Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.

Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Damn, it's gonna take a while. I don't have time. Scrambled!

I'm not a very confessional artist, you know. I don't ever reveal what I'm feeling in my work, or what I think about the President. I use nature. I use found images.