Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it

We shape our buildings

I felt a decidedly positive energy in the office with Rohan’s presence. I was not sure if it was real enough for others to experience it too, but I felt it keenly. Gawd, my stupid feelings.

A movie is a diamond and suddenly someone is seeing this facet or that facet. No matter how good you think you are, there's stuff you're not seeing.

I cannot take every case that people ask me to take.

Terrorism and war have something in common. They both involve the killing of innocent people to achieve what the killers believe is a good end.

I'm lucky to have met so many people who have been involved in peace and who have been peace prize winners.

With photography, I like to create a fiction out of reality. I try and do this by taking society's natural prejudice and giving this a twist.

You cannot create what you want by moving away from what you don't want.

I don't try to live the life of my character but I think it's inevitable that there is some carry-over into your life.