Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

When we feel unsafe with someone and still stay with him, we damage our ability to discern trustworthiness in those we will meet in the future.

When we consider that women are treated as property it is degrading to women that we should treat our children as property to be disposed of as we see fit.

Serving people is the best way to earn influence.

To me, movies and music go hand in hand. When I'm writing a script, one of the first things I do is find the music I'm going to play for the opening sequence.

The filth and noise of the crowded streets soon destroy the elasticity of health which belongs to the country boy.

My mother is everything to me. She's my anchor, she's the person I go to when I need to talk to someone. She is an amazing woman.

The core values of our constitution are at the heart of our nation's progress.

Life is about work. Work is about life. And both are about people.

I had this weird, nomadic little tent with a rug over it, like a booth where I'd sing the vocals.