Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

One way to feel good about yourself is to love yourself... to take care of yourself.

The British fans are very intense, maybe even more so than fans in the U.S.! They're great.

All this visible world is but an imperceptible point in the ample bosom of nature.

To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

Rudeness luxuriates in the absence of self-respect.

When I look up into the starry heavens at night and reflect upon what it is I really see there, I am constrained to say, ´there is no god´.

The notion of the competitiveness of countries, on the model of the competitiveness of companies, is nonsense.

Every single day, I get asked by people to do the face, so Im bringing it along with me now for the rest of my life.

There's nothing that you can say in the paper that should affect you.

I like to cover news when it happens, not five years later.