Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Ah, pay no heed if your enemies laugh. They'll not be able to once you lop off their heads.

Organic food production has existed for thousands of years (since the beginning of agriculture) and it will continue as long as humans live on the planet.

I am who I am and I am who I was, and I am who I will always be!

Tweeting is like sending out cool telegrams to your friends once a week.

Our Revolution was born and raised in taverns.

Look upon your chastening as God's chariots sent to carry your soul into the high places of spiritual achievement.

You watch guys live through their peaks, and then unfortunately, you've got to come down from that peak.

It's fun to do voiceover work, although you still have to act. But it doesn't involve memorizing lines, and you don't have to dress up.

I am a blank slate - therefore I can create anything I want.

I'm satisfied with the way 'The Room' turned out, and I don't want to change anything.