Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Man was the last of Creation but was given the duty to care for the Earth and all other created living creatures.

�“You swore this deal would be a safe little exchange. I didn�’t sign up for this�—Chinese mafia and Hashishins. I�’m an MD, not special ops.�”Kira Hardy in Dawn of a Dark Knight

I knew that my staying up would not change the election result if I were defeated, while if elected I had a hard day ahead of me. So I thought a night's rest was best in any event.

I think Scotland has some great stories.

I will no longer take anyone's word for my experience.

I happily cling to my guns and my God, even if President Obama thinks that that is a simpleminded thing in his elitist heart.

I use Twitter as a tool to get involved with people, to sell tickets to gigs where I can stand in a room and smell the audience - and I love that!

There is a secret medicine given only to those who hurt so hard they can't hope. The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.

In romance, there's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is.