Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

A truth told once is no match for a lie oft repeated.

Dignity does not come from avenging insults, especially from violence that can never be justified. It comes from taking responsibility and advancing our common humanity.

I am a giant squid of anger.

Dinner is to a day what dessert is to dinner.

I really don't like coke. It's so gross and so dark. It's like, what are you, from the '90s? Ew.

I know that with perfect play, God versus God, Fritz versus Fritz, chess is a draw.

The true sovereign is not the American president nor the English king, but the Lord of the Second Advent.

It benefits all artists to help one another - it raises the whole profession.

It was decided by the university of Coimbre that the sight of several persons being slowly burned in great ceremony is an infallible secret for preventing earthquakes.

In fishing, golf and gardening, if you don't have a healthy tolerance for your own ineptitude, then it isn't for you.