Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Since we live in the heads of those who remember us, we lose control of our lives and become who they want us to be.

Our fellowship with God cannot be established when we don’t recognize His people

Science fiction is one of the smartest genres around because you have to have so much forethought.

YOU LET ME DROWN!” Owen said. “YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! YOU JUST WATCHED ME DROWN! I’M ALREADY DEAD!” he told us. “REMEMBER THAT: YOU LET ME DIE.

I was always pretty funny with my friends.

I promise you, I will have something on the Internet that is game-changing. I can't lose.

We may not know how to forgive, and we may not want to forgive; but the very fact we say we are willing to forgive begins the healing practice.

Underground hip-hop is, like, one of my foundations, I would say a cornerstone of my foundation of my musical tastes.

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.