Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Silent lies are more venomous than cruel truths

Humans are easy to read, because what they’re not saying speaks volumes.

The death of someone we know always reminds us that we are still alive - perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine.

I know really, really famous people who are terrified every time they walk on to a stage.

From out the peaceful hollow of its throat / such music pours as I am unaware / how to devise. I did not think these things. / It is the reed that sings.

Love is one of the few experiences in life that we can best keep by giving it away.

[Louis Armstrong] could play a trumpet like nobody else, then put it down and sing a song like no one else could.

I love London, and it's a privilege for my children to grow up here.

I want to make honest music and tell honest stories that hopefully reflect the thoughts and feelings other people have.

The Beatles are dying in the wrong order.