Cause if there's one thing Islamic terrorists don't have is....(seriously thinking about it)....%#@&!

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Sometimes even the imagination lets one down.

It will be more love, not more information, that will change our hearts.

I admit I'm enthusiastically demanding.

A pitcher is not a ballplayer.

I've observed over and over that people seem to get a much deeper sense of fulfillment out of something they've done as an act of service than out of the things they do for themselves.

Sometimes when you're starting out with acting, you have to take what you can get to get experience and meet people.

If you're looking for perfection, look in the mirror. If you find it there, expect it elsewhere.

I can't think of a major story that we have broken that was incorrect. But we have had to correct some things that were false; we have had to retract things.

Life offers us tickets to places which we have not knowingly asked for.

Success on the outside means nothing unless you also have success within.