Censor: A self-appointed snoophound who sticks his nose in other people's business.

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

While you’re hating your life just because you can’t get what you want, someone is praying to have a life like yours..!!

Learn to listen when people are talking. Frist, it's a great art, and second, it's quite possible that when people say ne thing they mean another.

Some people think their fingers are toes or claws, but they're actually finger bones.

I like girls, but I prefer having a girlfriend. I like having someone I can spoil.

You're not going out there to make a living out of it by selling records. You want acclaim and you want to know people are listening.

At the end of my life, I have achieved belated fame and recognition in the city of my birth.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day.

Beliefs. Once entrenched in a culture, they persist, evolve and diverge, in a manner reminiscent of biological evolution.

When someone covets something they desire and lust over it.Usually it's something they can't have. You've always had that problem.

We ran like a herd of wild cattle.