Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

If you, as a parent, raise your children well, they won't need you anymore. If you did it properly, they go away.

Not once in her life had Darcy wanted to thumb her nose at danger and rip the clothes off a man, but she was contemplating that very thing.

But don't we often lie to people we love, or not tell them things, precisely because we love them?

The heel is engineering in itself. This little thing that supports the human weight has to have a precise balance.

Apply true focus to what you do best.

I am amused to see from my window here how busily a man has divided and staked off his domain. God must smile at his puny fences running hither and thither everywhere over the land.

Future forecasting is all about testing strategies - it's like a wind tunnel.

Advanced life-forms, my seweet patootie. Jerks. Both of them.

Good things come, but they're never perfect; are they? You have to twist them into something perfect.

I now proceed to demonstrate that the Mexicans are wholly incapable of self-government, and that our liberties, our fortunes and our lives are insecure so long as we are connected with them.