Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Reading is a beautiful paradise.

Christ can rid you of inner conflict. Man without God is always torn between two urges. His nature prompts him to do wrong, and his conscience urges him to do right.

Nonfiction is easy and fiction is hard.

The perfect antidote to dark, cold and creepy is light, warm and cozy.

I'm just here,existing at the surface of the water,not quite drowning but not quite able to breathe.

The whole business of getting famous was good fun, but it was a long time ago.

Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who implement them are priceless.

Mind training matters. It is not just a luxury, or a supplementary vitamin for the soul. It determines the quality of every instant of our lives.

The Pope appeals for disinterested solidarity and for a return to person-centred ethics in the world of finance and economics.

The Working Man's Creed: "A short day is better than a short dollar" .