Changing the world, one exclamation point at a time.

For the most part, people don't know who I am.

I’m sort of known in the comedy community as “Smooth Sailing,” just ’cause everything always goes great. I’ve always had success at every turn.

What one person might see as violent, someone else may see as beautiful. Maybe even art.

I suppose we all have a lil' inner or outer a-hole inside of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to rear their own beautiful buttholes.

I didn't necessarily set out to think of a show to make fun of reality shows.

For me, it feels like my ideas are more specific to random thoughts or single ideas I might have, as opposed to being influenced by a general perception of absurdity.

There were plenty of times some writers would make some kind of stupid joke to each other and then it was on TV that night or that week.

Ground the main character in stupidity. Hire a good cast and a good crew.

It's always been about when I do theater, the audience is just a viewer, not taking part in what's onstage. Whereas if you're doing stand-up, it's inclusive.

If you're doing stand-up, there is no fourth wall; you're engaging an audience.

Our happiness or misery depends upon our perception Not on the situation.

I don't find these technical things like flowers and chocolates romantic at all. I think Valentine's Day makes no sense.

The best perfection of a religious man is to do common things in a perfect manner. A constant fidelity in small things is a great and heroic virtue.

I should think the American admiration of five-minute tourists has done more to kill the sacredness of old European beauty and aspiration than multitudes of bombs would have done.

These airplanes we have today are no more than a perfection of a child's toy made of paper.

Moods should be heard but never danced to.

I can honestly say it took two full years for me to get over the fact that I was no longer a baseball player.

Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is dull without it.

the person in this picture is really me.

As an artist, I have to be the ambassador of everything.