Character I want to be: "Blunt Talk's".

The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.

The only problem is time.

'Family Guy' has this weird thing of attracting people. People either hate it or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in between.

Believe it or not, I have about the same success rate as anyone else. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss.

The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Adults acting like children and children acting like adults is generally a pretty reliable comic device.

What makes me happy is just keeping my brain challenged and stimulated and on its toes.

You gotta keep the funny intact.

Nobody sets out to offend or shock for the sake of shocking. You set out to get laughs.

I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt.

There is no quick fix. At the end of the day, you still have to do the work to maintain your weight. It can't be a diet. You have to change your life.

This is a pie chart about procrastination.

That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.

Not every artist is a role model.

The difficulty of being a Latin kid, a Latin man in this country [U.S].

Be merciful, moderate, and modest.

The down side these days is thinking that, “I can do this all on my own”. Yes, you can do this on your own but you’ll be a much happier human being if you do it with other human beings.

My main objective is to be professional but to kill him.

The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. they had become stories

Just can't wait to get on the road again