Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

Don't waste tomorrow on yesterday.

Society has seldom considered the vicarious effects of domestic violence between partners on the lives of children.

It's gonna take a while. It's normal to take a while. You've just gotta fight your way through.

Usually, the fairy tale ends with the girl marrying the prince. But mine started as soon as the marriage was over.

Everybody who I play always wants to use me, so I always tell them that I'm the only one who knows how to stop Portis, so go ahead.

Britney Spears has shoulders like a man.

With all his sincerity and devotion, the authentic, absolute atheist is after all only an abortive saint, and at the same time, a mistaken revolutionist.

It seems unfortunate that strong people are usually so disagreeable and overbearing that no one cares for them. In fact, to be different from your fellow creatures is always a misfortune.

I ended up being the governor of a very ag state, Nebraska.

He who wants to do good knocks at the gate: he who loves finds the door open.