Cheap! But not as cheap as your girlfriend.

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism.

Scotch whisky is made from barley and the morning dew on angel's nipples.

If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?

Read comics. All comics. And then cut them open to steal their power.

I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER

That means that the universe is two-dimensional. Matter, energy, time, you, me and the floor are holograms.

The single simplest reason why human space flight is necessary is this, stated as plainly as possible: keeping all your breeding pairs in one place is a retarded way to run a species.

Wolves ate even mighty hunters, for there was no honor or code among predators, and everyone's guts steam the same way when torn open on a cold night.

Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!

What if I left my memory in the future and I have to catch up to it?

Poverty and desperation are the parents of ambition. (character Norm Woodruff)

This is a paradox of Whitefield's legacy: evangelicalism draws people of different churches while dividing those within the same denomination.

There is more pleasure in loving than in being beloved.

I like grown up comedy.

Every time, I try to make something different.

I heard Bob Weinstein actually likened actors to baseball players. You work for a while then all of a sudden you go through a dry spell.

What's female beauty, but an air divine, thro' which the mind's all gentle graces shine? They, like the sun, irradiate all between; the body charms because the soul is seen.

I think that what my parents taught me about hard work, optimism and education still holds true.

Pride is the carbon-monoxide of Sin. It silently and slowly kills you without you even knowing.

A tiny detail can make you feel completely different. I feel different if I wear something that I'm slightly uncomfortable in.