Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool you end up looking like a moron instead.

They say the distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success, I believe you can say the same thing about the distance between good and evil.

The greater the volume of thoughts you have to work with, the better the context you can create for developing options and trusting your choices.

It is only the rooms of the present I wish to inhabit.

I've never meditated in my life. I don't practice yoga nor any religion. I'm a tourist on the realm of stillness.

Being funny should be an incidental byproduct of trying to get to something truthful, not a destination in itself.

It's the greatest compliment when the writer becomes invisible in the whole process.

I will neither yield to the song of the siren nor the voice of the hyena, the tears of the crocodile nor the howling of the wolf.

To show great love for God and our neighbor we need not do great things. It is how much love we put in the doing that makes our offering something beautiful for God.

One thing about God's will, you can never see God's will before it happens. You can only see at the end of it.