Chi Chi Rodriguez had as good a pair of hands as anybody I ever saw, and more shots than you can imagine. But Chi Chi had a habit of turning simple shots into difficult ones.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

Learn all you can.

The monks used to say that he was more drawn to those who were more sinful, and the greater the sinner the more he loved him.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

You can't walk on water until you get yourself out the boat.

We have become a force of nature.

When leaders of a professional team perform a scan, they examine the trends dominating their customer demographics, education, government policy, and especially their competition.

As a general truth, it is safe to say that any picture that produces a moral impression is a bad picture.

I believe that producing pictures, as I do, is almost solely a question of wanting so very much to do it well.

Dance is the hidden langauge of the soul, of the body.

When I read good stories, I want to write good stories too.