Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

Haruhi: This is a sibling squabble, not a fight to the death! You're both wrong, and acting like idiots only proves it!

Calculation never made a hero.

The idea that He would take his attention away from the universe in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds is just so unlikely I can't go along with it.

I always love the soapy conflicts between somebody's family of origin and their new family - 'Do I have Thanksgiving at my husband's parents' house, or at my parents' house?'

Prayer gets us in on what God is doing.

Who doubting tyranny, and fainting under Fortune's false lottery, desperately run To death, for dread of death; that soul's most stout, That, bearing all mischance, dares last it out.

Keep doin' what you're doin', fall in love with what you're creating, and everything else will fall into place.

There are times in history where a particular doctrine becomes a symbol of a greater problem.

Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears - it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear.

Being dead will be no different from being unborn -- I shall be just as I was in the time of William the Conqueror or the dinosaurs or the trilobites. There is nothing to fear in that.