Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

I would rather have a man chasing JESUS than a house full of stuffs and garrage filled with big cars.

Is there any purity like prayer?

Never ever continue to complain of lack of time all the time for no one is in possession of all the time.

It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality.

The simplest man with passion will be more persuasive than the most eloquent without.

I love Washington, but it is a self-important town.

The fact that it's science fiction gives you the license to do anything you want to do.

A friend in the true sense is not a person who passively nods approval of our conduct or ignores improper behavior. A friend is a person who cares.

But what if I fail of my purpose here? It is but to keep the nerves at strain, to dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall, and baffled, get up and begin again.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.