Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone... you answer it.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

What did the 5 fingers say to the face. S L A P!

I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.

You know, be able to do something great in your life, you're gonna have to realize your failures. You're gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*t

I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

The world can't tell you who you are. You've just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.

Have a dream in your head and a fire in your heart.

Find a good teacher, as I found for my sons. I feel the worst thing you can do is to try and teach your own children yourself, because there is a natural rebellion that occurs.

I counsel thee, shut not thy heart, nor thy library.

I'm not reading currently because I'm getting revisions of a novel. If I read while I'm writing I will unconsciously plagiarize and go to jail.

I'm allergic to coming in second but I never sneeze.

Had every Athenian citizen been a Socrates, every Athenian assembly would still have been a mob.

I had to take driving lessons in New York, which were really weird because it's not the safest thing in the world.

Dress not thy thoughts in too fine a raiment. And be not a man of superfluous words or superfluous deeds.

But anything that can be called "rigor" is lost exactly where the things become interesting and non trivial.

Through your love existence and nonexistence merge. All opposites unite. All that is profane becomes sacred again.