Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.

The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.

The only problem is time.

'Family Guy' has this weird thing of attracting people. People either hate it or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in between.

Believe it or not, I have about the same success rate as anyone else. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss.

The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Adults acting like children and children acting like adults is generally a pretty reliable comic device.

What makes me happy is just keeping my brain challenged and stimulated and on its toes.

You gotta keep the funny intact.

Nobody sets out to offend or shock for the sake of shocking. You set out to get laughs.

I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt.

I don't dream. Come to think of it, i haven't had any dreams in a long time.

You will get when you deserve, not when you desire! So Accept Life and Live in the Now!

As the evidence has shown, the cases of voter fraud across the country are statistically minimal if you go back decades.

I am intrigued by glamorous women ... A vain woman is continually taking out a compact to repair her makeup. A glamorous woman knows she doesn't need to.

No one's ever really given me any style advice. I wear what I want, and it doesn't matter what other people think.

If it is something important, get a colleague to improve it.

There are few more powerful tools for promoting stability than the institution of marriage.

I wanted many of the poems to have long legs. At first I was calling them clothespin poems, before I knew what I was doing. The lines seem pulled on either end, tight and taut against the wind.

I am really high maintenance and won't walk through the microwave that fries your body. I always request a pat down [in airport].

When one does look up at the grand trees growing up almost to the sky, one does always have longings to pray.