Chris Matthews can't start any sentence without 'Let me ask you this... ' And I love Chris Matthews! But almost everybody in journalism does it. Who's stopping you? Just say it!

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

People who enroll themselves in the schools of pride, eventually graduate with and high degree of fall. Failure employs “prides” scholars. Get rusticated now!

[Jem] looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle, " he said. "You got him to speak.""Just to shout at me, really, " said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes.

The natural law is an instrument for progress, not a weapon of revolution.

Show physical affection. Nothing says "I love you" like bearing the entirety of your spouse's weight.

I have stretched ropes from steeple to steeple; garlands from window to window; golden chains from star to star, and I dance.

You must have plenty of sea-room to tell the truth in.

Those who have more power are liable to sin more; no theorem in geometry is more certain than this.

Relationship gurus always said that an attraction based on friendship and mutual respect was far more likely to stay the course - and the bastards were right.

I am a Libra so I have to balance things.

I am the worlds laziest writer.