Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Only when you see the flower for what it is, you can see it's true beauty

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.

It's easy to just see what you want to see in your own comfort bubble, but to really get out there and experience the suffering of animals is an awakening. I had to become proactive and take a stand.

There are powerful forces undermining progress in Africa. But one must never underestimate the power of the people to bring about change.

Today, the message is that we have to help the middle class and the aspirational worker in the United States.

Forget about your folklore. I can take a few inspirations, but I can certainly not do an homage. That's not my trip. I'm a fashion vampire. I take what I need and I leave the rest.

If I wasn't writing poems I'd be washing my hands all the time.

Music is the great connector.

There are many events in the womb of time which will be delivered.

I have written my name on the far side of the sky.