Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

In his humble opinion, she possessed the least appealing traits a woman can put on display: undiscriminating curiosity and nonsensical verbosity.

They both have in common their conviction that they are still learning, still growing, when in fact they have long ago lost that ability.

Some infinites are longer than other infinites

It is not enough to fight. It is the spirit which we bring to the fight that decides the issue. It is morale that wins the victory.

My home policy: I wage war; my foreign policy: I wage war. All the time I wage war.

The greatest of all insights is that we cannot be tomorrow what we do not do today.

I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, "OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell."

The Bible tells a story. A story that isn’t over. A story that is still being told. A story that we have a part to play in.

One set of messages of the society we live in is: Consume. Grow. Do what you want. Amuse yourselves.

My penalty for rocking the boat was being traded.