Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to make.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

True spirituality is "the place where desperation meets Jesus.

It is wickedness when you receive blessing and not giving blessing to people.

Change is a process not an event.

As my career has progressed, I've had the pleasure of playing with the baddest jazz cats on the planet. But that doesn't change my desire to entertain folks. That's really who I am.

I would never purposely sing a song about someone I love, I wouldn't want to embarrass them. But for someone I don't like... I would definitely do that.

If you look back through history in the United States, there have been very few landslide elections. Half the country always voted for someone else.

I'm the last in the line of Russells and Chamberlains.

I don't have to many friends, I have 5 or 6 boys in my life that never change no matter what.

Affection should not be too sharp eyed, and love is not made by magnifying glasses.