Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Our passion is what we have been designed to do so as not to get bored between being born and death.

A personal brand, once local and temporal, is now global and forever. That’s the blessing and the curse of the internet with regards to your reputation.

... as we travel again between life and death, Waking and dream, blinking, while layers within layers, None better, none worse, unravel and knit up before us . . .

The mark of a mature man is the ability to give love and receive it joyously and without guilt.

Why is it always the "intelligent" people who are socialists?

People are tired of liberty. They have had a surfeit of it. Liberty is no longer a chaste and austere virgin.... Today's youth are moved by other slogans...Order, Hierarchy, Discipline.

President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has drilled before.

I will always support legislation which respects and values life.

I'm more of a listener than a talker.

The welfare of a child is not to be measured by money only, nor by physical comfort only.