Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

It might be like you are still far from getting there, but remember, you are closer to it than you were yesterday. Every tiny step you take counts a lot!

For all those who longed to find a best friend and found it in themselves

The superior man is firm in the right way and not merely firm.

Auction houses run a rigged game. They know exactly how many people will be bidding on a work and exactly who they are. In a gallery, works of art need only one person who wants to pay for them.

I feel like I've been able to live a dream life, but my view of things is absolutely inside behavior about how I behave and how I count on other people behaving.

I told myself if I ever made it to the level I want to be at, I'm gonna give back.

I love doing voice-over. It's one of my favorite things.

Actually, most people don't think I have too much sense because I would rather be fairly intelligent and act dumb instead of not having any sense at all and try to act smart.

Success lies in a masterful consistency around a few fundamentals. It really is simple. Not easy. But simple.

My hobby more and more is likely to be common school education, or universal education.