Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Having begun, constantly move forward toward your goal, and you will definitely attain your goal.

Talent is nice to have, perseverance is even better.

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

No-frill rappers: you will evaporate, disintegrate, deflate to your fate, as the great will dominate straight to the state Of reignin', gainin'...So put Kane in That category. Period. End of story.

I love you like a fat kid love cake.

I've been doing silly voices since I was a child.

I want nothing to do with any religion concerned with keeping the masses satisfied to live in hunger, filth, and ignorance.

Anger can give energy to the mind but only if it is harnessed and held in control.

I really admire stand-up, and I think I would have loved to learn how to do it. I think it's terrifying and thrilling. A really cool thing to do. It's a dying art, in a way.