Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

Steffi wasn't tired anymore. In fact, she felt invigorated. She was going to make it. She needed more of those kisses.

Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. ... There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife.

Experience nature. Then you know why it's worth protecting.

You too have weapons.

Social marketing is now a 24-7 job.

Once, I had so many scripts coming to me that I could hardly read them all.

Well, it has been my dream since I was very little to be able to sing, dance and act all in one project so in Make It Pop I was able to do that all that.

I do struggle with the fact that I don't have all the answers.

Whatever our problems are, dreams can provide novel ideas and sometimes magnificent resolutions.

I never say anything negative about anyone, because that won't get you anywhere.