Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Our children are only as brilliant as we allow them to be.

In all animals, egoism is in a seed-form. It bears effect as a tree in the human life form! If the egoism is destroyed, ‘one’ becomes the ‘Absolute Supreme Self’[parmatma]!

Togetherness is the key to success: a lone bee makes hardly any honey

«Couldn't never be nothin' but a nig*er, if I was ever so good, » said Topsy. «If I could be skinned, and come white, I'd try then.»

My faith is so strong that I believe that God made me 5-11 for a reason. For all the kids that have been told, no, that they can't do it, or all the kids that will be told no.

I do have a ridiculously high hedonic set-point

Records must not be the focus and that's the most important thing. It mustn't come at the cost of the team.

People ask me how can I be stylish, how can I be elegant and what can I wear? My only answer is study! You have to learn.

I want to make sure every House Republican is protected from some kind of dishonest, Democratic edge. So, let me say on the record: any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.

My name is Leah, and I will do anything to keep my husband.