Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport -- two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Not every one of us are born or made free of our own prisons to the extent of ourselves.

God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us.

I make funny videos of me playing video games, and I share those moments.

I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.

Jesus did not heal the sick in order to coax them to be Christians. He healed because it was His nature to heal.

Now what I love in women is, they won't Or can't do otherwise than lie, but do it. So well, the very truth seems falsehood to it.

Memory is a net: one that finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking.

Form is sometimes considered a mere spice added by the artist to the representation of objects in order to make it pleasurable.

Let's face it. No kid in high school feels as though they fit in.

You can't work on a film without being changed in some way.