Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Love is a decision - not an emotion!

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime.

A proof of really great art is that it is generally true - it seldom falls into the misapprehensions to which minor art is liable.

It isn't enough just to do right things and say right things, you must also think right things before your life can come into harmony.

Why do you need to do a fancy cartwheel for before you hit him? It just looks stupid.

Why are you lying awake, thinking that you're a terrible person? To keep my mind occupied when I can't sleep. Some people count sheep. I self-loathe.

God is an idea that people believe in and I spend time arguing with people that subscribe to that idea(man made idea).

Up! Children of Zulu, your day has come. Up! and destroy them all!

Frequently the burden or concern in the spirit is for prayer.

What woman, however old, has not the bridal-favours and raiment stowed away, and packed in lavender, in the inmost cupboards of her heart?