Colin Montgomerie is a few French fries short of a Happy Meal.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

If you want to be tall to see the world better, have some high thoughts!

Struggle only when if its absolute necessity, if you will struggle on every step you can never reach up to the goal.

How could he uphold the law when that law upheld injustice?

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

It takes an earthquake to remind us that we walk on the crust of an unfinished planet.

Every form of life is sacred. It is not possible to have an activity that is not sacred...Coming to see everything as sacred and honouring everything is spiritual development.

The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.

My number one thing is to recycle everything from newspaper to aluminum cans, and I even use a canvas bag instead of the plastic ones when I go to the grocery store.

Record contracts are just like - I'm gonna say the word, slavery.

Skype is a wonderful thing. The irony is that you never Skype when you're in the same country as someone.