College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Patience is to wait for the ice to melt instead of breaking it.

Never give a sucker an even break, but don't cheat a friend.

At school, I was brought up on revolting food - sausages, sausages and Spam - but at home, I had the most wonderful sponge puddings, which I don't indulge in very often now.

You will find in politics that you are much exposed to the attribution of false motive. Never complain and never explain.

If only Paris and the Harpies had gotten along. But Promiscuity had taken one look at the beautiful women and deemed them “too much effort.

I can be a bit of an overachiever and always dance that line of balance between giving myself to work versus giving time to myself and loved ones.

Corruption and hypocrisy ought not to be inevitable products of democracy, as they undoubtedly are today.

Do not act following customary beliefs.

Most men think indistinctly, and therefore cannot speak with exactness . . .

You can't control what you can't measure