Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

don’t tell me not to drink. not to smoke. not to grieve. if i speak of these things it’s because i have to— but i am not speaking to you.

There is no scandal like rags nor any crime so shameful as poverty.

The sun shines even on the wicked.

We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.

Is it possible that my sons-in-law will do toilets? If we raise boys to know that diapers need to be changed and refrigerators need to be cleaned, there's hope for the next generation.

I add a smile to everything I wear and that has worked great for me.

The spiritual law at the core of our being requires that we reach out. We are fulfilled to the extent that we live in relationships.

No excuses. Just do the work.

I am inspired when I see goodness in other people.

I'm a big man and I like big dogs.... The dogs kept growing until only one of us could get in the elevator. It caused enough hassles so they finally kicked me out of my apartment.