Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

The Holy Spirit will always point people to the finish work of Jesus

Follow your conscience. Sleep well.

Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.

If you can eat 70 percent raw or introduce raw into your diet, it will help your health.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

The introduction of Christianity, which, under whatever form, always confers such inestimable benefits on mankind, soon made a sensible change in these rude and fierce manners.

Every time someone dies as a result of floods in Bangladesh, an airline executive should be dragged out of his office and drowned.

Apparently, there's this whole set of disgruntled people but obviously it's not my intention to offend anyone by changing the style of music that I've done.

He who plants a tree is a servant of God.

The Word is the Magic that Humans possess and misuse of the Word is Black Magic... Be Impeccable with Your Word.