Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

[O]ne person's 'barbarian' is another person's 'just doing what everybody else is doing.

When we over emphasis that we need God for every little thing, then we begin to depend on miracles.

Hundreds of passages point to a time of judgment for every person who has ever lived-none will escape. If you took all the references to judgment out of the Bible, you would have little Bible left.

I go to social media, check out my granddaughter's new boyfriend, but the Department of Homeland Security can't figure out they need to be tracking they jihadi web sites?

Once you get below the floor of our personal identities, we're all connected. Perhaps that's why we can move into others' lives.

To search for truth about self is as valuable as to search for truth in other areas of life.

'Life is a journey, Frannie darling,' Feagan had once told me. "Choose well those with whom you travel." As always, I've followed Feagan's counsel.

As believers we have no need to fear death. Christ himself assures us of a safe arrival home in heaven!

Our goal is not to get out of the world or to get out of life, but to integrate it, to celebrate it, to embrace it fully, and to embrace all the different cycles within it.

Memories, how they linger in the twilight and in the wee small hours sometimes just before dawn.