Comedians don't have a monopoly on suffering. But creative people are sometimes fortunate enough to be able to incorporate their most traumatic experiences into their art.

When I left school I was full of angst, like any teenager, and I channeled it all into comedy.

It's very likely that graduates, current employees and retirees have some wonderful pieces of Deer Park history in their closets or garages.

The most useful form of time travel would be to go back a year or two and rectify the mistakes we made.

Keep yourself busy if you want to avoid depression. For me, inactivity is the enemy.

What fun is life without a bit of showing off?

People see my impressions as a great skill and I am flattered, but there are things I can't do that everyone else can. I can do funny voices and funny faces but I can't drive.

I finally learned to love myself by dressing up as Geri Halliwell.

It's important to hold something back, though, because quite frankly my personal life is pretty dull and I don't want to bore people with it.

If the worst that happens is that I wake up and see a picture of myself and a headline saying, 'He wasn't very funny last night', then I've got nothing to complain about.

I think this [Gnomeo & Juliet] is the closest I ought to get to Shakespeare to be honest.

I realized that life doesn't work that way-that just because you have dreams and make plans, it doesn't mean that they will come true.

Advice saves you time. If you ask anyone over fifty, which is more important, time or money, they will ALWAYS tell you time.

Life’s most rewarding forms of being: Being patient, and, being yourself.

The wounded are instruments, singing pain.

Whether they give or refuse women are glad to have been asked.

I don't let myself get carried away by my own ideas; I abandon 19 out of 20 of them every day.

You may bury my body down by the highway side. So my old evil spirit can catch a Greyhound bus and ride.

I loved the Army as an institution and loathed every single thing it required me to do.

He [ the son]'s grown up listening to all types of music, and the natural form of rebellion is to find the one genre that maybe he hasn't listened to and to make that his thing.

I'm not gonna be a slave. I'm a rock n' roller.