Comedy has been so good to me.

When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.

Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.

Whatever success I've had, I always like to top it.

You can't change what happened. Just like you can't change the future by worrying about it. You just have to keep moving.

When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take 'em.

I'm not afraid to fail. Sometimes when you lose, you win. Sometimes when you win, you lose.

I can't build myself by beating somebody down.

Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you've learned your lesson.

If you mess something up, remember who got you there. Don't be pointing fingers, even if finger-pointing is called for. Only one you got to blame is your own self.

You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke.

Joy doesn't exist out in the world somewhere. Joy is an inside job.

Being yielded to God's authority keeps us pliable and open-minded to a possible change of plans.

My favorite web site is probably YouTube.

Virtues lose themselves in self-interest, as rivers in the sea.

Prayer is not a substitute for work; it is an effort to work further and be efficient beyond the range of one's powers.

An easy way to get people to like you is to make them laugh.

I have the freedom of seeing it [churches and paintings of saints] with a non-Catholic eye without the guilt.

The Welfare State, which begun in Imperial Germany for the truly indigent and disabled, has now become "everybody's entitlement" and an increasing burden on those who produce.

I think everybody on this planet does that - trying to capture your dream after you wake up.

What may we expect of people who work all day and dance all night? After a while they will be thrown on society nervous, exhausted imbeciles.